This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
