I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
