Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
