im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is my gift to your gina
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
