Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
