Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Please don't give away my fajitas
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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