listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it was like eating out sand paper
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
