I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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