True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
