Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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