its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
