Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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