So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
