afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
