8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
