I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
