I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
