There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
How naked do you want me to be?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
