Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
