But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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