Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
