All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
