absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
