I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
