He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize