And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
