she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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