I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
