some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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