They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You pole danced in your parka.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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