A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
