Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
