A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
