I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
