wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize