My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is wine microwaveable?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize