grandma shit on top of the toilet
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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