Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
