You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
