I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
