carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
