I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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