I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dick very happy bro
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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