I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
