Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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