butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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