he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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