I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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