I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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