It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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