I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
