my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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