my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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