I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
