For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
