I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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