Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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