Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize