Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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