Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
