Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize