i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
