Im at strip club and am horny
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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