We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize