dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
smell my finger.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
