So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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