Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
