Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
