Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
