Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
